Positivity is [“the practice of being or [the] tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude”(lexico). Sadly, this state of mind is lately causing more problems than it is solving. Due to our socio-economic system, it is more and more difficult to just think positive, but it is a practice that many people embrace, although in a very superficial way.
Positivity seems to give strength and confidence so high that everyone thinks to be an expert. Especially people we consider friends will always end discussing your unfortunate episodes in life with “this is the result of your lack of positivity”, “you should read this book to improve your optimism”, “If you are negative you attract negativity” or they will just be short:
“Be Positive!”.
Doesn’t it sound a little superficial, after you have confided to them your fears and worries?
Two words are not enough to “fix” a person and most likely his depression. On the other hand, “suggesting that such a simple fix will cure mental illness or trauma is ignorant at best, arrogant at worst”(Rachel Wayne | Medium).
The culture of positivity teaches us to be selfish; just with the power of your mind and your optimism you can obtain everything in the world: money, friends, good times. Inside this very thin bubble, negativity is not allowed and empathy gets lost. Especially “toxic” people have to be avoided.
A toxic person is someone that takes advantage of you, for example a narcissist. Nowadays, also people who are depressed, lonely or coping with a difficult time are considered to be toxic. People that need connection and friendship more than ever “receive, instead, LESS LOVE, and […] become harder to be around”(Johann Hari | Lost Connections); the lonelier they become the more their “bad vibes” grow, leading to the so called “negative energy”.
Every mentality is different, however, the positive culture is infecting everyone who strives for a successful life (all of us, I guess). This approach to life suffocates our personal journey, putting everyone on the same standardized path to happiness. If this method of “coping with life” doesn’t satisfy you, you will just end up frustrated and asking yourself “why can not I be positive?” instead of digging for the real question:
Do I need to be positive?
I had a lot of acquaintances, that affirmed to embrace the power of positive thinking, but they were the first feeling miserable and full of doubts: every two or three days, after overdosing on happiness, they had a short depression crisis.
Looking at them, I started asking myself if it was worth it.
My first encounter with positive thinking happened the day I watched The Secret, a documentary film about “The law of Attraction”. Basically, the more you want something and think about it, then higher is the possibility for that to happen. Of course you need to empty your mind, and think positive. Being an optimist brings you success, stuff and health. At that time, I was sixteen and miserable. I also thought this documentary would have changed my life forever. Damn, I was so wrong!
With time I learned that positivity is a state of mind influenced by the environment you grow up in. I mean family, friends, culture, society etc… Few people can fully embrace it, especially when they live in a society focused on economy, where productivity is everything. This means that you and everyone around you, especially your parents, put being wealthy in front of having a healthy mind.
It is also very difficult to suddenly switch your mind into positive thinking. That means you have to abandon a lot of emotions, especially negative ones such as suspicion, mistrust, fear, sadness…, which became part of you while growing.
“We all want to succeed[,] but the answer is not spending all our time hunting down and killing fears one at a time”.
(Jan Bruce | Forbes)
We forget, sometimes, that these primitive SOS signals helped our ancestors escape from dangerous situations. They have been part of us since the beginning. “Fear exists to keep us safe. It is not inherently bad or good but a tool we can use to make better decisions”(Josh Steimle | Forbes). You do not have to completely erase these distress calls, or, like I tried, avoid to hear them in order to find happiness. You should instead “Embrace fear as instruction and let it inform your actions, but not control them”(Josh Steimle | Forbes).
Lately I started to think that the true positive thinker is a “legend”, since I still didn’t find one that is actually taking comfort from his optimism. Everybody wants to be successful and wealthy. Being positive seems to be the fast lane to these desires fulfillment.
The truth is that people can not, and do not have time to, understand themselves, so they automatically end up following the way of life that our culture promotes. We remain on this mental rollercoaster, which brings us from fake happiness ups to deep truthful depression downs that somehow nobody understands. We also grow a sense of superiority, if not even hate, towards depressed people aware of their state of mind and looking for support. Instead of receiving empathy, they get dismissed as “toxic people”, who are ruining the lives of everyone around them with their bad vibes.
The “be positive” statement is, at the end, yet another step in “Our constant efforts to eliminate the negative […] [which] is what causes us to feel so insecure, anxious, uncertain, or unhappy”(Oliver Burkeman | The Antidote).
Alessia Sorbo
2020-05-23