It took me one year and 8 months to get the final decision.
Since I learned my duties, my job was nice. I got along with my colleagues and reached my best skills.
Then I started to get angry. Communicate the problems in a nice way wasn’t working, so I ended up with 3 letters of resignation in 6 months. I have never given them to the manager, because I had a very good relationship with the team.
Then 3 months ago everything changed…
I used to love changes. They smelled like a new start, but this time was different: almost all the team resigned, and the stress raised.
My unhappiness grew a lot. So I decided to understand on my own, why I was sure to be miserable and not just lazy.
I made what I consider to be “a scientific research” about my behavior.
My house is a dump
I recently moved in with my boyfriend. He is not tidy at all, but he is making a lot of efforts. Now we are at a point where he has just some stuff around, while mine are everywhere. We don’t see the couch anymore. I stopped to clean after myself, the only rule I gave my boyfriend.
I don’t cook anymore
I like to cook, but it takes a lot of time, if you want to make some properly delicious dishes. So for work I used to do some fast cooking, and during my free time I used to make some elaborated food, because it was relaxing and made me feel accomplished. Now, my meals are expired sandwiches, ready salads from the grocery store or random food I can find.
I get a proper meal once a week thanks to my boyfriend cooking skills (how could I even find him?).
I am mad all the time
I used to be neutral. Open minded. It was my best characteristic.
Now I feel more aggressive, ready to fight for an opinion that is not right. I just “attack” everyone, or everything, just to be the one who wins without further discussions.
This is a new me, and I like to stand up for myself, since I used to be the “yes woman”.
On the other hand, I miss my peaceful approach to make people understand my point of view.
I gained weight
I was never skinny, slim, regular or how you like to say. However, I use to have a weight that makes me feel good in my skin. Stress, unhappiness, depression, bad feelings and so on… make me gain weight. Since I know myself a bit (27 years together with my soul, but I have still some doubts), I know that this is a bad sign: a message that my body is sending me.
It’s time to get better
This job taught me a lot, but on the other side I lost friends, time and important moments.
I gave all myself, maybe it was a mistake, but it’s done already.
I can’t get back.
I can look forward doing myself a favor and quit. I will “recover” and get my sh*t together, because that is what a grownup does (still need a confirmation about that too).
Alessia Sorbo
2019-08-18